for giving feedback

Last week in 5931 we touched on phrases to use in giving feedback to student work. So I've pasted in below phrases that have worked well for me in the past for shaping a response. [Notice that some of them depend on having asked students to write reflectively about the work they are turning in, so that I can respond to questions or concerns they've raised.]

Please add your favorite and most useful phrases in the comments -- then we'll all have a good base of comments to draw on. Thanks!

• "Your work shows me that you listen carefully to what we discuss in class and to the readings, and that you really do think about how to apply those discussions; if you want to deepen those applications, you might try…"
  
• "If you want to strengthen the work you are doing in this class, what I’m seeing is that you could stand to stretch your thinking so that you have more, and more detailed, ideas top work with. Your writings tend to be pretty short: it looks like you put down your first ideas and responses, and let it go at that. If you can get into the habit of pushing on your ideas in your writing this will not only help your writing improve, but will help you develop your ideas in your writing. To do this, try asking more questions about what you have read in class (we talked in class about how to ask questions); don’t stop writing until you are satisfied you understand an idea completely…"
  
• "It is clear to me that you think well about this work, as your class comments show. Now push yourself—by giving your work the time it deserves—to develop your ideas. There’s solid potential here…"
  
• "Your desire to do this work well and in interesting manners shows through in all you have turned in. Based on all that I see, I have two recommendations for how you can continue to strengthen your work over the semester…"
  
• "I want to encourage you to attend to the various levels of the rhetorical more in what you do."
  
• "Your writing really could benefit well from a re-read to make sure your sentences will make sense to others…"
  
• "Your arguments would be more compelling with more concrete examples and even more facts and figures, I think -- and as you've suggested in your own thoughts about this."
  
• "You have a strong and wonderful opening… but I start running into trouble, though, after the third paragraph."
  
• "All the comments and questions you wrote about your paper on Tuesday during class make good sense: Yes, you do need to check your spelling and grammar because right now their oddities do too often make it hard for me to get easily to your meaning. Yes, you do also need to add all your citations. Yes, you do need to work on the introduction and conclusion and the order of all your facts and examples. Right now the facts and examples are arranged simply to accumulate, which means they don't have any particular order -- which also means that it is therefore hard as I read to understand why one paragraph follows another… That might sound like a daunting list, but it's really that you've gotten to the fun part of arrangement of writing (well, from my perspective, anyway, given that I like to write)."
  
• "What you have so far is quite nice. Be sure that before you turn in your final draft you get someone else to proofread for you -- but otherwise you are developing an okay argument here with your direct and conversational tone of voice and clear signalling of transitions from paragraph to paragraph."
  
• "What you turned in as your first draft is generally fine so far. There's not tons I can say in response, until you have more, but the ordering seems to make sense, and I like how you are using a narrative structure to build the argument because it adds an appropriate level of emotional connection for your readers."
  
• "Hmmm... given the required length of the final version of this paper, you've got a problem, hey? What are you going to do to fill the pages you need to fill?"
  
• [at the end of the feedback]: "Let me know if you have any questions on any of this, or want to talk about any of it."
  
• "You've got a passionately written draft in which you accumulate a considerable weight of information. The passion can result in a compelling ethos, because your audience will pick up on your passion -- but it also means you need to be very careful: passion can sometimes make the writing seem biased, perhaps making judgments that are a bit too strong. If you are going to keep the same tone of voice as you revise, be careful with your word choice, in order to keep the passion from seeming biased and hastily judgmental."
  
• "Come talk so we figure out how to build a stronger structure -- and overall argument -- out of all you have so far."
  
• "Your thoughtful and conversational tone of voice is a real strength in your essay. Here's how I think you can strengthen the writing still more.."
  [when you are really at a loss of what to say:] "Please come talk. I think my responses might make more sense in discussion than in written comments." [Then ask the student what s/he thinks really needs to happen in the writing, and build on that.]
  
• "After I read your draft, I'm left mostly with questions. I know that you know what you are talking about, but here's some questions you might need to address in order to help your audience understand…"
  
• "You also need to think about the order of your arguments, in terms of your audience and purpose. What you've written in your design plan lays out possible arguments, but without yet considering why different orderings of your points might be more or less effective with the different possible audiences you can address."
  
• "Before I comment on your design plan, I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy your presence in class. Your dry sense of humor always makes me laugh, and you give thoughtful responses to others. It would be nice if you were happier in speaking in the large group; you might think on this as something to work toward in the future, because you have so much to bring. Meanwhile…" [this is followed by specific comments]
  
• "Your design plan looks good to me. You've described your various audiences very well, and you've done your research, which is crucial, so that you know the reasons given by those who oppose [your position], and can bring up statistics and observations by credible sources to counter their claims. Here are the questions raised for me by what you have so far:"
  
• "Let me push you a bit on your argument..."
  
• "You've found some very good sources to use. I'm not worried in any way about the base of facts and figures you have to draw on, and I'm not worried about your ability to discuss the general policy decisions of the US toward global warming, such as the Kyoto protocols. Given that you've got those sorts of issues under control, what I'd like you next to focus on are some of the issues Chris raised in his feedback to your statement of purpose."
  
• "You need nothing from me at this point except encouragement. Your design plan is smart, detailed, and thoughtful. What I particularly mark in it is your sensitivity -- as a writer and thinker -- to positions your audience members might hold (*their* sensitivity about their religious beliefs, *their* sensitivity to any suggestion in your writing that all Christians might be deemed immoral), which helps you think of the kind of careful path you are going to have to thread as you compare the morality of Christians with that of atheists."